


Dark & Light

by iffyluv



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Badass Rey, Ben is a Momma's Boy, Child Abandonment, Childhood Trauma, Dark Side Rey, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, Inner Struggles, Interrogation, Jakku, Light Side Ben Solo, Red String of Fate, Resistance Member Ben Solo, Role Reversal, Snoke is abusive, Starkiller Base, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-04-05 11:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14043555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iffyluv/pseuds/iffyluv
Summary: When Snoke failed to bring the troubled scion of the Skywalker bloodline to the dark side, so he turned his focus to another powerful force user. Taking advantage of a hungry and forgotten child left to the sands of Jakku, he crafted his new apprentice into a weapon and all the while reminding her that she wasn't his first chose.Ben Solo struggles to find his place in the galaxy and tame the emotional turmoil in his soul.Rey buries her childhood traumas under a mask but there are somethings that won't stay hidden.





	1. Jakku

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic a little while after TLJ was released. Basically what would happen if Ben Solo never turned to the Dark Side. This plays a lot into the theory that Snoke was behind a lot of what happened to Rey during her early childhood, that he took a child already conceived and imbued her with force abilities. I am by no means the one who came up with this theory, and there are a million and half rabbit holes to tumble down on the subject out there. If you wanna discuss it with me I would love to hear from just shoot me a message on my [tumblr. ](http://imbabblingagainletsjustgo.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I've got the first 5 chapters already written and just needing some proof reading. So I'll probably be posting on a weekly basis between my other WIP and school. The first couple chapters are really pretty much a retelling of TFA with Ben and Rey's roles reversed, hopefully that's not boring for anyone. Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you like it! <3

Rey looked at the man crumpled at her feet; the stormtroopers had not been gentle to him, his face was battered, blood on his lips and on his temple from where he’d been struck by the butt of a blaster. She hated every part of being where she was, she hated the sandy planet of Jakku that had raised her. Just being back made her insides tighten, if anyone could see her face then they would see her discomfort immediately, but that was why she wore the mask. 

A long time ago, Rey had let go of the lonely little girl from Jakku and she’d turned her isolation and pain into rage. Her raw power and mastery of the Force carefully cultivated by her master, the Supreme Leader. 

Burying the memories of her life before, she knelt in front the broken old man. “The map to Skywalker, we know you found it,” she stated barely recognizing the sound of her own voice through the mask. “It now belongs to the First Order, you’re going to hand it over.”

Lor San Tekka looked at her with sad eyes, “The First Order rose from the dark side, but you are something different. Who were you before you put on that mask? Before you took the name Kira Ren?” he said with quiet confidence in spite of his injured visage. 

Something white hot burned in the pit of her stomach, she hated him instantly. She’d lived alone, half starved and forgotten by everyone but her master not half a day’s walk from here. He couldn’t see her face but if he could, would he recognize her as the dirty faced girl struggling to scavenge enough to eat. Maybe he wouldn’t… so many eyes had passed her over and left her to starve. The thought made her want to burn this entire worthless planet to ash.

She’d never met the man before, and he knew her by reputation alone. 

“I won’t ask again, old man,” Rey said stilling her anger. Not yet. 

“You’re barely more than a child,” he said. He was wrong. Despite her actual age, she had grown up far too fast, urged on by the struggle to survive alone and the voice that crept into her mind. 

She raised her hand to the old man’s temple, without care she pressed her own consciousness into his, probing his mind for the intel she needed. Rey wasn’t gentle, she watched his face contorted with pain under the scrutiny of her own mind. After a moment she found what she needed: the hand off of the map had taken place just before their arrival and it was in the hands of a Resistance pilot. 

She stood, igniting the dual blade of her lightsaber and striking down the old man in one smooth motion. Before she could quell the anger she’d channeled, Rey felt a disturbance. She rose her free hand, stopping the blast in mid air and stilling the wayward shooter. 

“Seize him,” she commanded. 

Two stormtroopers rushed forward to grab the young man. He was unable to resist when they grabbed him roughly by the arms and hauling him past his suspended blast still buzzing patiently in mid air. The troopers dragged him before Rey where she scanned him over. He was handsome, she could tell he was charming, he probably had the kind of smile that would be easy to fall in love with. 

“The old man gave it to you,” she stated. It wasn’t a question, she had already confirmed this with her trespassing into Lor San Tekka’s thoughts. The man tried to hide his discomfort but there was no hiding it from Rey. Before the pilot could come up with a witty retort (and she knew he was planning on one) she turned, “I’ll interrogate him once we’re back with the fleet.” She strode off towards her transport, the pilot and a retinue of stormtroopers at her heel. 

“Lady Ren, the villagers?” The chrome-plated, Captain Phasma asked. 

“Do as you will,” she said, not pausing in her march towards the ship. Rey didn’t look back at the small huddle of villagers, but she knew what the Captain had planned. 

“Very well.” 

Rey was halfway up the ramp when she heard the mingling of the screams of terror and blaster fire. She took one look back to see the lone stormtrooper not firing his weapon, he hadn’t fired it all throughout the entire exchange; too overcome with emotion, crippling fear and shame at what was transpiring. For the very briefest instant Rey could sympathize but she buried that thought fiercely, not allowing those emotions to bubble up again. 

\---------------

“You can’t be serious,” Kaydel said, she practically had to jog to keep up with Ben Solo’s long strides, “The General would never agree to this.” 

Ben tried not to think about Leia’s reaction to hearing about what he was about to do and quickly decided he’d deal with it when he got back. “So we don’t tell her,” he said casually climbing into the cockpit of the Light Y-Wing fighter that everyone acknowledged as ‘his’. 

Kaydel looked a little helpless from the ground as Ben strapped into his seat. “Don’t you dare die, Ben Solo, because I am not going to explain that one to your mother,” she shouted. 

“At least if I die, I don’t have to deal with the fall out from all of this,” he stated. It was true, he was likely to get an earful when he got home and he may as well be a boy again when he was on the receiving end of Leia Organa’s scolding. 

Kaydel shot him a dark look and he ignored it, powering up the engines. He prepared for take off, skipping a lot of the preflight checks, he was already breaking dozens of Resistance regulations, what was a few more? The Y-wing’s engines roared to life and Ben took one last glance at Kaydel, the General’s aide, who had stepped back to give him room for take off. He did feel a little bad that she was gonna have a lot on her plate once Leia found out. 

Ben punched the accelerator, the old engine shook around him and he felt that familiar thrill as the inertial dampeners kicked in and he was suddenly soaring into D’Qar’s bright blue sky. In mere moments he’d breached the atmosphere and the cockpit was shrouded in the darkness of space. 

Not wasting any time he plugged in the coordinates to Jakku, prepared for the jump to lightspeed. Flying was one of those things that came naturally to him, it was in his blood. But he tried not to think about how much like his family he was, that was a whole can of worms he didn’t need to open right now. He was the golden child of the Resistance, but it was only because of who his parents were. Leia was too eager to keep him out of harm’s way, and in doing so sidelined him from being part of a cause. 

But not today, when news reached the Resistance that Poe had been captured, he wasn’t going to let the damn General tell him ‘no’, mother or not. 

Jakku was remote, the hyperspace route wasn’t a fast one, and would take several hours at least. He sat back in the pilot’s seat watching the stars race past him, with the time he had he focused on the plan. It wasn’t a particularly good plan, he’d never been to Jakku and it occurred to him that he wasn’t sure how he’d find Poe or the map that Poe was there for. The only thing he knew about Jakku was that the final battle between the Rebellion and the Empire had happened there in the days following the Emperor’s demise. That had all been before he was born, it was a giant planet-sized junkyard now. How could you find anything in all that sand? 

He planned to start out at Tuanul, where Poe’s contact was, and hoped he could pick up a trail from there. 

\---------------

Rey exited the interrogation room, leaving an unconscious Poe Dameron still strapped to the gurney. The Resistance pilot had certainly fought her harder than anyone in recent memory but he still cracked under the pressure. In the hallway General Hux was standing stiffly waiting for her orders. 

“The map is in a droid, a BB unit,” she stated. She turned and Hux marched alongside her. 

“If the droid is on Jakku, then we will find it,” he assured her with confidence, matching her stride. Rey knew that Snoke wouldn’t accept any excuse if they returned empty handed, so for both their sake she hoped he was right. 

\---------------

He landed just outside of the settlement, his heavy leather boots hit the sand and were immediately unsteady in the shifting sand. It was much hotter than Ben had been expecting and the Jakku sun bore down on him mercilessly.

Tuanul was utterly destroyed, most of the bodies were burned beyond recognition and a heavy black smoke hanging over the settlement from the still burning fires. Gritting his teeth he checked for survivors, but there were none. It seemed that the First Order had only taken one prisoner; Ben tried not to think of all the things they might be doing to his friend right now. 

He climbed a nearby sand dune and surveyed the area, spotting the wreckage of a ruined X-Wing. Unlike the rest of Jakku’s graveyard of destroyed ships, this was recent, still smoldering. The fuel injectors were still burning, bellowing out wisps of toxic black smoke. Ben covered his mouth and nose with the lapel of his jacket and approached carefully, struggling to find secure footing in the loose sand. 

He doubted that Poe was inside, intel had specifically noted capture, but there’d been no mention of BB-8 or any droid for that matter. Ben pulled back a panel to check inside the astromech compartment, hoping that he didn’t find the remains to the destroyed droid that Poe had fawned over for years. 

The compartment was blessedly empty and Ben breathed a sigh of relief as soon as he was away from the wreckage. Ben walked back up the dune to get a better vantage point, pulling out his macrobinoculars from his jacket pocket. He adjusted the lenses a few times but he couldn’t spot the droid, he did however see the outskirts of Niima Outpost and that seemed to be the droid’s most-likely destination. He made his way back to his fighter trying to calculate the land speed of the rotund astromech in his head. The First Order had Poe, but it was possible, likely even, that they did not have BB-8. He was starting to piece together what had likely happened; leave it to Poe to save his damn droid, Ben thought tucking the macrobinoculars back into his jacket. 

If the First Order was as good at interrogation as they wanted everyone to believe (and Ben didn’t doubt it) then they either had the map, or Poe had passed it off to his droid prior to capture. And if Ben’s hunch was right, it was the latter and Poe had gotten captured to give BB-8 time to escape. If Ben was wrong then the First Order would be moving in to capture Luke right now and Poe was no longer useful to them. With that thought he opted to pursue the other possibility, which pitted him and the First Order against each other in a droid hunt. He never really considered himself an optimist but he’d make an exception for now. Find the droid first, then go rescue Poe’s sorry ass… Easy. 

He decided he'd search Niima Outpost, if BB-8 wasn't there then he would run a few more scans from the Y-Wing; he really didn't want to think about how much of a target the little droid would be on a planet like this. Every scrapper within a hundred klicks would be itching to trade something like that for half a bite to eat. Climbing into the Y-Wing’s cockpit, Ben powered up his engines eager to leave the site of such blatant destruction. 

The trip to Niima Outpost was a short one. Ben landed on the outskirts, so as to not draw attention to the fact that his ship was actually space-worthy. One of very few it would seem. Once both boots were on the ground he took a look around, the sandy Outpost was nothing more than a few tents and some ramshackle shelters pulled together with scrap. 

The wind picked up slightly, tussling Ben’s dark locks and rustling the tents. Sheeting covering a nearby ship blew up and the movement caught his eye. 

Ben’s jaw nearly dropped comically as he approached the ship in awe. A glimpse under the patched sheeting brought back a flood of memories and not necessarily good ones. How many times had he watched that ship fly away, angry and hurt that the pilot would leave him behind? 

“You gotta be kriffing kidding me,” Ben murmured under his breath as he stared up at none other than the so-called legendary Millenium Falcon.


	2. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben discovers a remnant of his past in an unexpected place. Rey is reminded of where she came from.

“How did this happen?” Rey demanded from the General. Despite her stature, she was ferocious and everyone around her knew she was to be respected and feared. More than a few stormtroopers had been witness to what she was capable of and they all gave her a wide berth. Even General Hux looked taken aback by her outburst. 

“He had help,” he stated, trying to maintain an air of calm and failing. “From one of our own,” he added. Hux knew that it was something that Rey would not accept well. “We’re checking the registers now to determine which stormtrooper it was,” his adam’s apple bobbed nervously betraying his composed facial features. 

Rey marched over to the display and watched the rogue TIE fighter skillfully dodging fire and striking fast at the destroyer’s surface canons. “FN-2187,” she said mostly to herself remembering the lone stormtrooper that couldn’t fire on the villagers of Tuanul. 

She listened as Hux gave the command to fire the ventral cannons on the stolen fighter, turning away from the display. Phasma’s chrome-plated footfalls grabbed her attention before she had the chance to round on Hux and chastise him for letting such an escape take place. 

Phasma stood straight, towering over both Rey herself and General Hux. The Captain minced no words in citing that FN-2187 had failed to report for reconditioning and that this was his first offense. 

“General, they’ve been hit,” a hook nosed technician stated aloud drawing their attention. 

Hux marched over to the woman’s console, “Destroyed?” 

“Disabled. They were heading back to Jakku and projected to crash in the Goazon Badlands,” she responded dutifully. 

Hux briefly looked up at Rey, her mask preventing eye contact but they both knew. “They were going back for the droid,” he stated, “Send a squad to the wreckage,” he ordered swiftly. There was a flurry of action on their periphery as officers carried out the command. 

Rey stormed forward leaving the bridge behind, General Hux falling into step beside her. “Perhaps the Supreme Leader should consider a clone army instead,” she stated, her tone even despite her frustration. 

Her words struck a chord with the General, “I’ll not have you questioning my methods,” he snapped, “My men are exceptionally skilled and programmed from birth.” 

“Then they should have no trouble retrieving the droid,” she responded coolly. “Or you’ll be the one explaining to the Supreme Leader why your exceptionally skilled men failed to bring us the map to Skywalker.” 

\----------

Ben stood in the shadow of his father’s ship, it was most definitely the very same model YT 1300f light freighter that he’d dreamed of flying as a boy. He recognized the modifications his father had made to the blaster cannon and the custom duralloy plating. 

His surprise at finding such a relic of his past quickly turned bitter. The ship was piece of junk and part of him hated it for everything it represented. It had been his father’s escape vessel from fatherhood; a precious belonging that seemed more important to Han Solo than his own family, or at least that was how it felt to Ben. He’d overheard one too many heated arguments between his parents and seen Han Solo storm off too many times to think otherwise. 

The last he’d heard, his father had lost the Millenium Falcon somehow but Ben hadn’t sought out his father to ask for details. It meant that Han Solo likely wasn’t on Jakku, and probably didn’t even know it was here. Maybe Ben would drop him a transmission to let him know it was here, but he doubted it. 

He shook his head, turning away from the ship that should have been his inheritance from the legendary scoundrel, Han Solo. Ben had more important things to focus on and very little time to do so. 

The people of Niima Outpost weren’t the talkative sort and no one would give him the time of day, let alone tell him about a possibly very valuable droid. Even the offer of credits didn’t help, the people of Jakku traded for essentials, rations, water, booze; credits had no value to them. 

Ben was starting to lose hope when he heard the high pitched squeal of a droid in distress. He started running in the direction of the sound, hope flaring in his chest. Sure enough he saw a round, orange form trapped in a net being dragged to the local junk trader. 

“BB-8!” he shouted, his legs pumping hard to catch up. 

The captured astromech squealed even louder, recognizing Ben immediately, and starting to press even more against the net. The Teedo that holding the net took notice and rounded on Ben as he caught up. 

Ben didn’t speak the same language as the Teedo but didn’t pause in grabbing hold of the net and free BB-8. Before Ben even had the chance to look over the droid for damages the Teedo and several others rounded on him with their makeshift clubs fashioned from pieces scrap. 

“This droid is mine,” he snapped but the obvious language barrier kept them from understanding each other. It also wasn’t necessarily true, BB-8 technically belonged to Poe, but they couldn’t prove him wrong. 

One of the Teedo’s went in for the swing but Ben saw it coming and dodged effortlessly out of the way. It was a crude attack and Ben was far better trained. 

BB-8 squealed loudly and suddenly took off. 

“Jacket?! What?!” Ben only caught a fraction of what BB-8 was worked up about and he didn’t have a whole lot of time to devote to thinking about it as the Teedos were preparing to pummel him. The blaster on his hip was the obvious choice but blaster fire wouldn’t stop the crude walking stick now swinging directly at his face. 

Ben raised his hand to the oncoming blow, and in that instance to weapon froze only a few inches from his palm. In one smooth action slipped the blaster from its holster and aimed from the hip. “Walk away.” His voice was laced with unseen power, it sent a shiver down his spine. 

He wasn’t sure if it was the blaster or the force that sent the Teedos calmly walking away, but at that moment he had a loose droid to chase down. 

“BB-8?!” he shouted, looking wildly around hoping that the droid hadn’t been picked up by someone else looking to pawn him for scrap. He finally spotted the bright orange and white droid on the other side of the marketplace. BB-8 had cornered a man who clearly didn’t understand binary and Ben was about to curse the droid for bothering the poor guy when he noticed that young man was wearing Poe’s jacket. It suddenly clicked as to why BB-8 had rushed off leaving Ben to fend off the Teedos alone. 

Ben caught up to them, BB-8 had managed to trip up the young man and was proceeding to shock him with an open circuit. The droid whistled with agitation and shocked him again on the leg. 

“I don’t know what you’re saying! OW--” the man snapped jerking from another jolt. 

Ben approached, trying to get a good read on him. “He wants to know where you got the jacket,” Ben offered and BB-8 squealed in agreement. “I’d like to know too.” 

The young man looked up at him, taken aback. Ben noted that he wasn’t much more than a kid, a few years younger than Ben himself. His dark skin was flushed like he’d been running (or hiking through a desert more likely), he was likely dehydrated and hungry and he looked like he’d had better days. The young man seemed to realize something, connecting Ben and the droid to another event in his past. “It belonged to Poe Dameron, the pilot,” he said. 

“Yeah I know that,” Ben stated plainly although something heavy dropped into the pit of his stomach. Something about the kid’s tone hinted at a past tense, dread clenched in his gut. 

“He was captured by the First Order and I helped him escape. We made a run for it but we were shot down…” he looked between Ben and BB-8, “he didn’t make it.” 

Ben stood up and turned away, running a hand through his hair. He breathed a curse as he remembered Poe’s easy smile and cavalier attitude. At least he didn’t go out in a dark, First Order dungeon, Ben thought to himself but the thought didn’t make him feel any better. BB-8 blipped sadly, an uneasy silence passing between the three of them. 

“Alright, BB-8 we can’t stay here,” Ben said after a moment. “Do you have it?” BB-8 whistled an affirmative, “Good then let’s get the hell off this rock.” 

“Wait,” the kid was getting to his feet. “You’re with the Resistance?” 

There was little point in denying it but just as Ben was about to respond he noticed a pair of stormtroopers across the marketplace. 

“Kriff!” Ben hissed as the man the troopers were questioning pointed directly at them. 

The younger man followed his gaze and his eyes widened. “The First Order found us.” 

“We gotta move!” Ben said taking off running, the others close on his heel. “BB-8, stay close!” 

Chaos erupted around them as more stormtroopers came out of the woodwork and a TIE fighter whirled overhead, raining fire over them. 

“We can’t outrun them!” the younger man shouted from Ben’s right. 

“We need to get to my ship!” Ben yelled back, they were close to his Y-Wing, just a little further. 

Just as they came within a hundred yards of the Resistance ship, the enemy TIE fighter roared overhead and with a blast of hot air his Y-Wing was consumed in flames. They skidded to a stop in the sand. The other man’s face twisted in horror at the destruction of their get away. Ben just looked pissed. 

He looked to his right, there was the Falcon, still draped in a patchwork of tarps; who knew if she could still fly? 

“You gotta be kriffing kidding me!” Ben growled, unable to believe that he was relying on his father’s old ship, now of all times. But it didn’t stop him from charging ahead for the Falcon’s ramp. 

They made it on board, Ben was relieved to see that at least the lights were still on. The corridor had seen better days but it was familiar. But he didn’t take any time to reminisce however. 

“Gunner nest is down there,” he pointed and the younger man took the hint and Ben made for the cockpit. 

“Do you know how to fly this thing?” his new companion shouted back at him from the ladder to the gunner seat. 

“Of course I know how to fly this damn thing!” Ben snapped incredulously. 

It wasn’t a lie but the last time that he’d sat in the pilot’s seat he was ten years old. He clung to whatever muscle memory he could as he began to start up the engines. Much to Ben’s surprise the Falcon actually powered up, he couldn’t believe that he was actually doing this. 

\-----------

Rey felt Hux shift uncomfortably beside her and she internally cursed his nervousness. She forced herself to focus forward, steeling her nerves as the massive holographic figure loomed overhead. This was Hux’s incompetence, not hers, it was his men that had let the droid and the map slip into Resistance hands. And this new development with the appearance of Ben Solo on Jakku, escaping in the Millenium Falcon with the rogue stormtrooper traitor and the droid carrying the map to Skywalker. Rey knew that Snoke would be raining criticism on her soon but for now it was Hux’s turn. 

The Supreme Leader didn’t mince words, he emasculated Hux. And even though the only witness to this abuse was Rey herself, she could see the shame color the General’s cheeks. 

“You’re dismissed, General,” Snoke said coldly turning his attention to Rey. Hux turned and stormed off, making a point not to exchange so much as a glance with Rey. “As for you my young apprentice,” the Supreme Leader turned his holographic gaze on her, her mask hid her unease but she knew he could sense if regardless. “You well know that you were not my first choice, but you have managed to surprise even me. Your mother was a shadow of what should have been a powerful inheritance, she squandered her talents to scavenging the wastes and drowning in drink. And that’s where you would be too if I hadn’t recognized your potential.” 

Rey couldn’t even put a face to her mother, she didn’t even have a name but Snoke made sure that she knew what her mother was… a junker rat who sold her for drinking money and left her to starve. Whoever her mother was, she was now buried in a pauper grave in the Jakku desert. Rey resented her master for always reminding her of where she came from, and that it was by his grace alone that had saved her from that life of hardship. 

From one hardship to the next. 

“Now here we are,” he continued. “I had attempted to influence Ben Solo’s mind long ago, but Skywalker and Organa were careful. In the end he had too much of his scoundrel father in him, and even to Skywalker he was too willful and untrainable.” 

This wasn’t news to Rey, Snoke liked to remind her that she was not his first choice of apprentices almost as much as he enjoyed reminding her that she had come from nothing, that she was nothing without him. 

“And now young Ben Solo has entered the fold,” he drawled, “And it is time for you, my young apprentice, to be truly tested.” 

“By the grace of your training, I will not be led astray,” she said automatically. 

“We shall see.” With that, the hologram faded leaving Rey in darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Comments are always welcome and appreciated. Let me know how I'm doing.   
> If you're interested in something a little more lighthearted and you like modern AU's check out my other [Reylo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13907856/chapters/32007459) fic. Also follow me on [tumblr](http://imbabblingagainletsjustgo.tumblr.com/) if you're interested in story updates. 
> 
> Thanks!!


	3. Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A narrow escape and a pull towards the light.

The Falcon rattled violently as it dropped out of hyperspace. 

Ben let out the breath that he didn’t know he was holding. His ears rang painfully and the cockpit felt like it was still spinning around him, he wasn’t sure what had caused it-- the brief jump at light speed or the wild maneuvers before that he was still surprised had actually paid off. Leaning back into the pilot’s seat, willing himself to breathe normally. 

“You alright down there?” he shouted, remembering the stowaway that also happened to be a damn good shot down in the gunner nest. 

“THAT. WAS. AWESOME!!” 

Ben didn’t want to smile at that but he couldn’t help it. He kicked on the autopilot and rose unsteadily to his feet. The Falcon had seen much better days and was crying out for repairs before it attempted another jump but for now they were away from the First Order. 

Several systems alarms were blaring out at Ben but there was one in particular that needed his attention immediately. “Shii-” He rushed out of the cockpit down narrow corridor nearly tripping on BB-8 in the process. 

He skidded on his feet, dropped to his knees and lifted the grate with a loud grunt. 

“What’s going on?” 

Ben dropped down into the compartment to get a closer look, “It’s the damn motivator, it’s always the damn motivator,” Ben growled in frustration. 

“Do you know this ship?” 

“Of course I know this stupid ship,” Ben said. 

The younger man just looked confused, Ben realized that they still didn’t know who the hell the other man was. “You got a name?” he said as he tightened the gaskets. 

He was quiet for a brief moment before he answered, “My name’s Finn,” he said like he wasn’t totally confident in it yet. 

“Alright Finn, toss me the bonding tape.” Ben would have time to figure out what Finn’s deal was later, for now he had an overblown motivator to deal with. 

Finn placed a roll in his waiting hand and Ben glanced at it. “This isn’t bonding tape,” he shouted tossing it out of the compartment with little regard for where it went or who it might hit. There was a confused shuffle, and Ben felt the need to add, “It’s yellow!” Finn collected the correct roll of tape and tossed it Ben who caught it without looking. 

The repair wasn’t pretty and Ben could only imagine what his father might have to say about it, but Han wasn’t here. And most of all, Ben didn’t care as long as it kept the propulsion tap from overflowing and they didn’t all die painfully while choking on poisonous gas. 

...Well BB-8 might be ok. 

Ben hoisted himself out of subfloor compartment and sat himself on the edge taking a deep breath. 

“Well with any luck it won’t start spewing out poisonous gas, killing us all,” he said nonchalantly. 

“Say what?!” Finn barked. 

“I said it’s not gonna kill us,” Ben replied rubbing his neck. It was starting to feel like quite the long day. 

“You said ‘with any luck’!” 

“Yeah, but the bonding tape is on there pretty tight,” he pretended not to notice how alarmed the other man was. He probably shouldn’t be messing with the poor kid after all they’d been through today, he was starting to look a little pale. 

All the events of the day started to catch up with him. He’d started his day with a hot cup of caf on D’Qar, now it was ending with him fresh from a dogfight with the First Order in the Millenium Falcon with a busted hyperdrive motivator. Not to mention the astromech with a map to Luke Skywalker and who knows what the hell Finn’s deal was. It all sounded like the someone was winding him up for a joke but the punchline wasn’t funny. 

Then it struck him, Poe. They’d grown up together, they used to sit in empty fighter cockpits and pretend they were shooting down Imperial TIE fighters and saving the galaxy. Ben didn’t have many people that he would actually call his friend but Poe had insisted that they were best friends since they were boys. Poe was the only one in the Resistance who didn’t handle him like he was made out of glass, who didn’t treat him differently just because of who his parents were. Poe and his mother were the only two people he really missed when he was sent to train with Luke.

And now Poe was gone. 

He wondered if someone at Resistance Headquarters would contact Kes to let him know. There wasn’t a body to send back to Yavin IV, for some reason that bothered him. 

Ben gave a heavy sigh and ran his hand through his hair. Finn sat there, still wearing Poe’s jacket and Ben figured that Poe would probably be just fine with that. 

“So…” Finn started awkward, pulling Ben away from thoughts of his friend. “How do you know this ship?” he asked. 

“This piece of garbage is the Millenium Falcon.” 

Finn looked surprised, “Like the Rebellion General’s Millenium Falcon? The Millenium Falcon?” 

Ben tried not laugh at that, Han as General seemed like the punchline of joke to him, but he kept a straight face for Finn’s sake. 

“I’m Ben.” 

“Good to meet you, Ben.” 

“Likewise.” 

Ben let out another heavy sigh, he was tempted to know how Finn got involved in Poe’s rescue in the first place. He needed to get BB-8 back to the Resistance Base, but he wasn’t sure if he could trust Finn with its location just yet, he didn’t want to show up with a First Order sleeper agent in tow. Some points in Finn’s favor were that he seemed to have no qualms about shooting down First Order fighters that were hot on their tail not long ago… so either he was a very committed spy or he had been genuinely trying help. 

“So I can’t take you back to the Resistance Base until I know you’re trustworthy,” he said nonchalantly, Finn looked uncomfortable. 

The younger man turned his dark eyes on the bulkhead and focused intently. He took a breath, clearly trying to decide if Ben himself was trustworthy. 

Just as he was about to speak the overhead lighting went out leaving only the dim floor lighting to illuminate them. 

“What the hell now?!” Ben grumbled scrambling to his feet and rushing for the cockpit expecting some kind of system failure, but what he found was much worse. He leaned over the pilot’s seat attempting to unlock the controls manually but they were locked out. 

Finn came up behind him while Ben tried every work around he could think of but it was no use. “Uuuh Ben?” 

“Gimme a minute,” Ben snapped, yanking a panel out to expose the wiring underneath. 

“We don’t have a minute.” 

Ben’s eyes snapped up to see that they were moving slowly into the cargo hold of a massive freighter. 

“It’s the First Order, they found us,” Finn’s voice was laced with panic. BB-8 let out a low whine. Ben’s hand went immediately to his pistol, their only weapon in what was sure to be a firefight. Just when he thought his day couldn’t go worse.

\--------- 

Few people ever saw Phasma under the chrome helmet, she was just as tall as you’d think she would be with cropped, straw-colored hair and clear blue eyes. She had a cross work of scars stitched over toned muscles, a body crafted from years of combat experience.

In comparison, Rey looked small and delicate. But under her heavy black cloak and garb she had a few scars herself. 

The most important thing about Phasma was that she was discrete, she didn’t pull her punches and she was one of the most skilled fighters aboard the Finalizer. She made for the perfect sparring partner. 

The Finalizer was the main training vessel for the Stormtrooper platoons, it was also a moving base of operations for most of the high command. It thankfully didn’t house the Supreme Leader himself, that was the Supremacy, and Rey was grateful for at least some physical distance. In recent months she had been relishing being away from her master. It didn’t stop him from brushing against her consciousness to keep tabs of his apprentice, but the distance made his invasions less arduous. 

“Are you ready, ma’am?” Phasma asked, selecting a plasteel bowstaff. 

Rey adjusted her fingerless gloves and selected a matching staff in response. She wasn’t feeling particularly chatty after being berated by Snoke earlier. She tested the weight of the training weapon, spinning it in front of her. It would hurt to be hit with it, especially with Phasma on the other end of the blow. 

Rey took a position at one end of the sparring ring facing her opponent. 

Their match went about as all their others do: Rey is faster. Phasma is more precise in her technique. Rey is more adaptable and can move from one stance to the next with ease. Phasma hits harder. Rey’s greatest advantage is her mastery over the force, but she resists the urge to use it to toss her opponent across the room, she wants Phasma to continue to be her sparring partner. 

Rey manages to come out on top in their final round, hooking Phasma ankle with her foot and knocking her to the floor. 

“Well fought, ma’am,” Phasma conceded respectfully. 

“You as well, Captain,” Rey said offering Phasma a hand up, both of them covered in a sheen of sweat. 

In truth, Phasma was about the closest thing that Rey considered a friend within the First Order, and this was about the extent of their friendship. The Stormtrooper Captain was respectful and reliable, she didn’t try to gain Rey’s favor through flattery, she didn’t make excuses, and she didn’t take shit from anyone. This made her one of the most tolerable people aboard the Finalizer. 

They talked about things of little consequence as they put their training gear away, mostly training strategies and the new combat equipment they were implementing. In spite of her present company, there was an apprehensive loneliness that followed Rey wherever she went. It was an ever-present weight on her chest that threatened to knock her over the edge of despair. She knew she’d always have to carry such a weight for the remainder of her days, or else let it crush her. 

She tried to put the weight out of her mind as she bid farewell to Phasma and retreated to her quarters. 

Her living arrangements were spartan, dark steel gray walls that made the room feel small. Her bed was firm and narrow, neatly made in black linens, pushed against the far wall of the room. A small dresser sat beside it, its drawers containing her various underdressings, while a change of her normal garb hung on a hook on the wall. 

Rey stripped down tossing her clothes in small hamper next to the fresher to be collected by a service droid to be laundered. The mirror reflected her image back at her and she barely recognized herself. The woman starring back had dark lines under eyes, there was a fresh bruise from her sparring match with Phasma forming on her left hip, her cheeks looked slightly sunken and her face was pale. She knew it was from the troubled sleep and the lack of appetite she had had recently, on top of the fact that she hadn’t seen in a sun in some time now and had existed solely under the artificial lighting aboard the Finalizer. 

It was a physical manifestation of her own misery reflected back at her and it was difficult to face it. Instead she tried to ignore it and turned on the water, adjusting it so that it was almost too hot to tolerate. She forced herself to stand under the scalding stream of water, willing it to burn away this feeling she she couldn’t shake. It was as if the Force itself was trying to pull her back, distract her from her purpose. 

The hot water didn’t have the effect she wanted but it eased her sore muscles from her relentless training. She’d be back at it in the morning but for now she let herself rest, even if she knew that sleep would not come easily tonight. 

She exited the shower and dressed in something to sleep in, a sleeveless black linen shirt that hung loosely off her shoulders and a pair of light leggings. Seating herself at the edge of her bed, she started to work a comb through her ash brown hair, tugging out the tangles. In the silence, as her fingers absent-mindedly worked through her damp hair, she let mind unfocus, reaching into the unseen fabric of the cosmos. The Force responded easily to her, she could feel in between the very atoms of everything around her, but again there was that pull to something unseen just beyond the reach of her consciousness. 

Even just reaching for it, Rey was filled with feelings and emotions that were not hers. She felt excitement, exhilaration, it made her heart race and she felt like she could run for miles on adrenalin alone. It was alive and warm and there was the sudden desire to throw herself head first into it. 

But she couldn’t, she knew that it wasn’t what she deserved. 

Rey withdrew from it, returning to the dark, her self-imposed prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little later then usual and I'm sorry for that, I'm still getting over being sick earlier this week. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. You can follow me on [tumblr](http://imbabblingagainletsjustgo.tumblr.com/) for story updates or if you just want to say hi!


	4. Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben reunites with the last person he expects to find at this end of the galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait. I've been pretty wrapped up in school/finals, my other works and then on top of that my antidepressants are in an almost constant state of adjustment to find the right dosage. It's really affected my ability to focus even if a I feel better over all. Thank you for being patient at this time and I hope to be able to update more regularly now that it's summer and I have more time.

[](http://s1378.photobucket.com/user/babbz_09/media/new%20dark_light_zpss7l67cnb.jpg.html)

 

Ben and Finn exchanged nervous glances, neither of them wanting to acknowledge how well and truly screwed they were. 

“Well Finn, it was nice knowing you. BB8 you should hide, as soon as the shooting’s over you get out and find a way back to the Resistance. The General needs that intel…” Ben paused, checking his clips then added. “Also tell her I’m sorry.” 

Finn suddenly grabbed Ben’s arm, “Wait! The gas?!” 

“What?!” 

“Stormtrooper helmets filter smoke, not toxins!” 

A light clicked on, “How the hell do you know that?” Ben asked as they were rushing down corridor to the still open panel in the floor. 

“I’ll tell you when we get out of here!” Finn responded jumping feet first into the compartment with two filtration masks in hand. It was gonna be a tight and frankly very awkward fit with Ben, Finn and the damn droid but there weren’t many options at the moment. He slid in gracelessly nearly landing on BB8’s already bent antenna. 

Ben fixed the mask over his mouth and nose and then maneuvered awkward around BB8 to the roughly patched together motivator. “When this is over, we’re never gonna speak of this again, clear?” 

“Clear.” 

He prepared to undo his previous patch job but wanted to wait until the Stormtroopers were right overhead before blowing it. The less poisonous gas they had to deal with the better and he didn’t want any of them running back to get a toxin filter for their helmets once they realized what was happening. 

There were a few moments of silence before Ben heard the door slide open down the hall footsteps echoing on the grate. With each encroaching step, the force was pushing at the edges of his consciousness with a familiar presence that he hadn’t known in over five years. 

“Ben! What the hell are you--” Finn panicked. 

Ben was suddenly lifting the grate up again to peer out down the corridor, causing BB8 to blip with alarm. 

“You gotta be kriffin’ kidding me?!?” Ben said, angrily tossing the grate cover aside. 

“Hey! Easy with that!” Han Solo responded automatically to Ben putting yet another dent in the plasteel wall (one of many that Ben had left on the ship over the course of his upbringing). Chewbacca let out signature low wail of happy surprise to see him. 

Ben ignored his father, hoisting himself, “Hey Chewie,” he grumbled, ripping the filtration mask off of his face. He was happy to see the wookie, it was just under some very strange circumstances. 

“Ben, what the hell are you doing out here?” Han said, holstering his weapon with a perturbed look on his aging face. “And where the hell did you find the Falcon?” he added incredulously. 

“Jakku,” Ben stated plainly, helping Finn lift BB8 from the compartment. 

“Jakku?!” Han said surprised, “I told you we should have check the outer reaches,” he then added to Chewbacca who gave a light grunt in response. Han turned back to Ben as he was standing to brush himself off. “Who had it, Ducain?” 

Ben was starting to get angry that his first interaction with his own father in five years was more or less going more like a smuggling deal. “How the hell should I know Han, you think Jakku keeps records?” 

Han looked a little taken aback by Ben using his first name. “Well you let whoever it was know that Han Solo is stealing it back,” his father said turning away to inspect his old freighter. 

“Actually _Ben_ Solo stole it back,” Ben snapped back at his father. Han turned back to him with an almost unreadable expression on his face, he knew it must be crazy but there was an odd mixture of pride and surprise. It caught him a little off guard. 

“Han Solo? The Rebellion General?” Finn said surprised, drawing their attention from each other. They’d almost forgotten he was there. 

“More like third rate smuggler,” Ben said kicking the grate cover back into place. Han gave him a side eye but he wasn’t paying attention. 

“Ben Solo?” 

“Well, it’s been fun old man,” Ben said not wanting to answer him. “See you in another five years.” He marched off to the cockpit to start working on repairs. He heard Chewie let out a low rumble, _‘he takes after Leia’_. 

“Don’t reminded me,” Han grumbled. Ben didn’t let himself smile, but it did make him a little proud. It also reminded him of the verbal lashing he was going to get when he got back, hopefully having BB8 would soften the blow. 

There were heavy boot falls behind him as Ben settled into the pilot seat to run a systems check. The falcon was a mess and it would take a lot of work to get her back up to speed, the junkbosses on Jakku had done a number on the hyperdrive. 

He heard Han’s footfalls on the grated floor, “Don’t tell me you’re here for a nice father/son chat, you’re almost thirty years late.” 

“Damn it, Ben, let me get a good look at you,” Han sighed, sounding too tired to argue, there was a tinge of regret with the reminder of Ben’s age. Han had spent more time away than he had been present for Ben growing up. “You look good, kid,” he said sitting in the co-pilot’s seat that had normally been Chewie’s. 

Ben said nothing, lifting a panel and pretending to inspect the wiring underneath. He heard Finn back in the corridor, “This is really awkward,” and Chewie responded with a low growl, _‘Solos’_. 

“Does your mother know you’re here?” his father asked. 

Ben rolled his eyes, “Were you answering to your mother when you were my age?” 

“My mother wasn’t a General, kid.” That was very true, Leia was a force to be reckoned with. “And your mother always finds out the truth eventually, trust me.” 

“I’m sure she will,” Ben responded dryly, he shrugged back to the astromech droid with Finn and Chewbacca. “I’m taking BB8 back to the Illienium system with me,” he said casually. 

“And why is that?” 

“He’s got a map to Luke.” 

Han froze in awe, Ben flipped a switch and the cockpit lit up, unlocking all the systems and allowing him to run a full diagnostic. He didn’t bother to elaborate instead lifting himself out of the pilots seat and marching over to open a panel to continue to go over circuitry maintenance. 

“Are you sure?” 

Ben sighed shutting the panel again. “Let’s see it BB.” 

The droid gave a squeal and a picture projected around the room, it was a star map but that was where the familiarity ended. He didn’t know any of the star systems displayed, Luke was in a forgotten, uncharted expanse of the galaxy. 

Finn looked around in awe, “Why would the only Jedi in the galaxy go into hiding,” he asked. 

Ben clenched and unclenched his jaw, a dark mix of emotions rolling in his chest. He’d had nothing to do with the attack on Luke’s temple as far as he knew, but he couldn’t bring himself to shed any tears over the loss. His last interactions with his uncle had been strained and angry, he’d chaffed for years under Luke’s tutelage, unwilling to resign himself to the ancient religion. There was too much darkness in his heart, or so Luke insisted. But Ben was unable to purge it and give himself entirely to the light. It confirmed what Luke and Leia so feared about him, there was simply too much of his grandfather in him. 

The realization had cut deep, left him ashamed and angry for years. Finally he left Luke’s training, returning to his mother, begging for an opportunity to come home. Leia agreed, but even that wasn’t ideal. Every nightmare led to his mother fretting, and he’d often wake up with her at his bedside trying to calm the shouting in his sleep. He didn’t understand how she managed to be a Senator, a General of the Resistance, and worried mother but she did, her head held high. 

There were forces that Ben couldn’t comprehend at war inside him until suddenly they weren’t. He had dreamt of a hazel eyed girl crying for what she’d lost, the other details were lost to his memory but he could remember her as clearly as he’d just seen her. That same night the pull to the dark was finally quelled was the same night that Luke’s temple burned to the ground and several of his apprentices went to the dark side and the rest were slaughtered. And then the last Jedi disappeared. 

There hadn’t been any answers, only more questions. 

That was too much to spring on Finn right now. Even his father didn’t know all the details, like just how close Ben had come to giving into the dark. 

“He was trying to train a new generation of Jedi, but we think one of them may have turned on him,” Han said. That was the boiled down version of events. 

The map faded and the lights with it. Everything looked grimey and dull without the projection, like the entire inside of the ship needed to be sprayed down with a pressure washer. 

Before they could say anything else, an alert sounded this time outside the falcon, in the much larger carrier that Han had commandeered. 

Chewbacca let out another low pitch growl. 

“What the kriff is it now?” Ben groaned. 

Han was already heading for the exit, “Hey, watch your language,” he snapped over his shoulder. Ben rolled his eyes as he followed him and Chewie out, he turned back to Finn before exiting. 

“Hey, you coming?” 

Finn looked down at BB8, shrugged, and followed Ben out into the enormous cargo hold of the carrier with the droid close behind giving a delighted beep. 

“What exactly are you doing with this thing, anyway?” Ben asked loudly. 

“Hunting Rathtars,” Han answered casually, punctuated by a growl of agreement from Chewie. 

“What the hell’s a Rathtar?” Ben asked. Finn blanched almost comically. 

They turned a corner and suddenly something massive threw itself against the observer window of a secured container. Ben jumped, instinctively reaching for his pistol at his hip as slew of curses tumbling from his mouth. He looked up in horror at the gaping maw pressed against the glass, displaying several rows of razor sharp teeth, but it couldn’t get past the glass. 

Han looked amused as Ben and Finn struggled to compose themselves. “How’d you capture it?” Finn asked unable to take his eyes off the creature. 

“Used to have a bigger crew,” the old smuggler said sarcastically before turning on his heel and marching down the corridor. 

Ben and Finn exchanged nervous looks. “Are all your relatives like this?” Finn said but Ben got the distinct feeling his new friend might not actually want to know the truth, which was yes. They hurried to follow closer behind Han, Ben wanted very much to start demanding answers but missed the opportunity when his father checked the security display.

“It’s the Guavian Death Gang,” he said but he didn’t seem that alarmed. 

In truth, Ben had never heard of such a gang but what good could possibly come from a group that called themselves a ‘death gang’? “You’ve made a deal with them, didn’t you?” Ben said crossing his arms over his chest. 

It was Han’s turn to roll his eyes, “What? Are you going tell your mother on me?” he growled. 

“Why?” Ben snapped back, “She already knows she married an ass, why bother her with more bad news now?” 

That seemed to cut a little deeper than Ben had intended, but the whole operation seemed unnecessarily dangerous. 

Han kicked open a grate in the floor leading to a narrow subfloor walkway for repairs and maintenance. Ben got a distinct feeling of deja vu. “Damn it, get in don’t let them see you,” he said angrily. 

“I’m not getting in another grate,” Ben said stubbornly. “Just what kind of operation are you running?” 

“Damn it, Ben, I don’t need to be dealing with one of your tantrums right now,” Han snapped back. 

Ben probably deserved that but that thought didn’t do much to keep his temper from flaring. “I didn’t really need to be dealing with any of this right now,” he said. “And yet, here I am, in the middle of your damn mess.” 

“As soon as we’re done here, I’m hauling your ass back to D’Qar and letting your mother deal with you.” 

“So just like you’ve done my whole damn life?” Ben roared, his whole body feeling hot. 

That struck a nerve. 

“Umm, guys,” Finn interrupted meekly. 

“What a touching family reunion.” 

Both Ben and Han looked down the corridor. At some point between their yelling at one another a Guavian boarding party had simply let themselves in. The Solo men stiffened and there was a moment when Han stepped forward, moving to put himself between the Guavian Death Gang and Ben. 

“We want our investment back,” said the greasy death gang representative. 

“I spent it,” Han said, starting to look a little nervous. “Hunting Rathtars is expensive.” Ben thought his eyes might roll completely back into his head. 

“Kanjiklub wants their money back too,” the rep stated, not looking perturbed by the news that Han didn’t have their money. 

“I didn’t make a deal with Kanjiklub,” Han insisted. 

“Tell that to Kanjiklub.” 

Finn grabbed Ben’s arm drawing his attention to behind them. Ben turned to see another gnarly looking gang standing menacingly at the opposite end of the corridor. These one’s wore black and puce green uniforms. “Uhh Han,” he said softly. 

Han glanced back behind him, greeting the new gang leader attempting to keep the situation from escalating. Ben kept his hand on his pistol grip and nodded to Finn towards the open grate in the floor. Finn looked between him and grate trying to work out what Ben was saying without words. 

“Have I ever let you down before?” Han asked. 

“Yes.” 

The Kanjiklub leader said something that sounded like an affirmative. 

Han looked flustered for a moment. “When was the second time?” 

“Are you kidding me?” Ben groaned aloud rolling his eyes again. 

Han ignored him subtly edging his son back towards the alcove in the wall. Ben noticed Han’s hand twitch near the grip of his blaster on his hip. 

BB8 gave a soft beep from their feet. 

“That droid,” the Guavian leader said, “The First Order is looking for one just like it, along with two fugitives.” The man’s beady eyes glanced between Ben and Finn. 

There was a quiet pause before all hell suddenly broke loose...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again for reading! Comments are so greatly appreciated you have no idea!  
> Follow me on [tumblr ](http://imbabblingagainletsjustgo.tumblr.com/) if you wanna say hi. I love getting asks and messages.


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